Confessions of a Closet Nerd

slowly making my way out…

Happy Faylentine’s Day

Why Faylentine’s Day? Because today is going to be about me. I don’t talk about my feelings much mostly because I’m scared of being viewed as weak or being judged. But whatever, I really don’t give a shit because this needs to be done. Holding onto all of this resentment is incredibly unhealthy and blocking a lot of good from coming into my life. I’ve known this for a long time but it’s time for me to finally accept it

and act upon it.

People come into your path for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do with that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty…
To provide you with guidance and support…
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually…
They may seem like they are a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die…
Sometimes they walk away…
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand….
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled…
Their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has now been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON.
Because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons.
Things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life…
Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime
~ unknown author

Valentine’s Day #32 that I’ve been without one. And I’m totally fine with it because much like the folks on the Occupy Vday Tumblr when that special person is in my life I really hope that they’d value and cherish me everyday with the gift of their presence. This year like the other 31 years I’ll do my own little celebration to myself but along with that it’ll be a tad bit different. This year I’m throwing all the bullshit that I’ve dealt with since I can remember and moving on to deeply loving myself and the folks in my life that have brought value in my life.

So today I say goodbye to all the lovers that have cheated on me, lied to me, made me feel low, called me a liar, wanted to hide me and showed their true colors from the beginning of our relationSHITS. My family’s negative aura, name calling, secrets, yelling and general toxicity. Your thoughts about me are no longer my thoughts. GOODBYE. The friends that treat me like a convenience, gossip about me, forget about me, and don’t value me. GOODBYE. None of you have been an integral part of my life other than me dragging myself in the dirt to prove to you that I am worthy of being noticed and loved. Whether its the way you’ve treated me, talked to me or turned your back on me. All you’ve done is filled my heart and ego with doubt instead of allowing love to flow through it. Why? Because you need love too. So while I’m shoving all the negativity away I’m going all Captain Planet on your ass and tossing you some love as well.

To those that have been there through the good and the bad and encouraged me to share my feelings when they’ve noticed I’ve been out of the ordinary or in a funk and never brushed me off in asking for a damn thing, thank you.

I only allow nurturing and healthy relationships in my life from here on out. I am a beacon of happiness and light to everyone around me.

Starting.

Now.

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Filed under: In Real Life, Thoughts and Impressions, , , ,

4 Responses

  1. I think of this quote when I have feelings of negativity; when I find myself talking shit about someone who has wronged me: “Holding onto anger is like grasping hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ~Buddha

    As I was reading the poem, I was like, “Dang, she’s really good at this!” Then I saw the author. 😉

    THIS IS ONE POWERFUL STATEMENT!!: “I only allow nurturing and healthy relationships in my life from here on out. I am a beacon of happiness and light to everyone around me.”

    Happy Faylentine’s Day, girl! xoxo He’s one lucky guy… whoever that man is waiting to spend the rest of his life with you too. You guys probably aren’t meant to be together yet. Maybe he needs to do more maturing, maybe you do… Maybe he’s got a girlfriend still. Maybe she’s the one who teaches him to be ‘this’ or ‘that’… they’re in each other’s lives for a reason too. Maybe… In the meantime, keep celebrating you! 🙂

  2. Hey Fay!

    I love your article on relationships and resentments. It reminds of the qoutes “you’re only as sick as your secrets” and “live and let live”. I’ve had a hard time–as I’m sure a lot of people have as well–with frustrating situations which involve those closest to me.
    The best advice I was given was to focus on my actions rather than on what other people are doing. It turns out that I’m just overly sensitive and need to practice being strong but loving and tolerant.
    🙂

    • hayfayfay says:

      lol, I’m the exact opposite at times. Total hardass and tolerant.. which is why I gotta learn to be a little softer.. *sigh*

      I guess all of us aren’t perfect… YET!

      Also, nice to meet ya ;D

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